We did this a few years back, but it’s been busy lately, and we have been amiss. But as many of you have asked for more, here are some of the messages left with our after hours answering service during 2009-2010. We hope these will bring a smile to your face. As always, the names are changed, but the original messages are untouched. We added comments…..Enjoy!
CAI Technologies Answering Service Messages- Best of 2009-2010
1.ALBERT XXXXX RE:WATER SOFTENER FELL OUT OF TRUNK/SON FOUND AND WON’T GIVE IT BACK/IS THIS COVERED UNDER WARRANTY? We thought there was some miscommunication when we received the message…but no…their son found the softener in his parent’s driveway, and refused to give it back. Kid’s putting it in his house, and the customer wanted to know if the loss was covered under warranty…looks like thanksgiving dinner might have a limited guest list this year….
2. TAMMY XXXXX RE:PURCHASED WATER SOFTENER/CAT SITS ON SALT TANK & DOG BARKS AT IT/IS THIS COMMON? Yes, dogs bark at cats sometimes…..
3. FELIX XXXXX RE:HAVE WATER SOFTENER AND FELL IN SHOWER/SHOWER WAS WET BUT STILL HIT VERY HARD/IS WATER SOFTENER WORKING PROPERLY? Person thought that a soft water might make for a better landing I guess….
4. JOSHUA XXXXX RE: WANT TO CURE MEAT/OK TO PUT MEAT IN MY BRINE TANK?/WILL WATER SOFTENER OPERATION BE AFFECTED? Wow….would not want to drink this water……
5. CALVIN XXXXX RE:WANT TO CURE WIFE’S BAD BREATH WITH CARBON FILTER/PLEASE CALL ASAP. This guy’s wife had an issue with bad breath, and it bothered him when they watched TV together in the evening. He got the idea to have her wear a gas mask connected to a flexible tube leading to a tank filled with carbon….no kidding….and his wife was OK with this idea.
6. DON XXXXX RE:NEED REPLACEMENT WATER SOFTENER/WAS BLOWN UP AGAIN/PLEASE CALL. I guess this is what’s called “war bonus” – three times now. Forward military base overseas in a war zone uses a water softener to soften some extremely hard water so they can do troop’s laundry more cost effectively. Every time the huge water softener tanks are taken off the plane, and temporarily stored on the runway, the local insurgents blow them up. Six million dollar Blackhawk helicopter sitting there and the target is a water softener….go figure…
7. DONNA XXXXX RE:WASHED MY CAR WITH SOFT WATER AND NOW IT WON’T START/LATE FOR WORK/PLEASE CALL. Hmmm..after speaking with this customer, we identified the problem……turns out some cars need gasoline to work…
8. JODY XXXXX RE:HUSBAND IS TOO DRUNK TO INSTALL WATER SYSTEM/NEED RECOMMENDATION FOR LOCAL INSTALLATION/CALL ASAP I’M DRINKING TOO. Sounds like quite a party…we’ll tell the plumber to make sure he grabs a six-pack on his way over….
9. BARRY XXXXX RE:UV SYSTEM WONT TURN ON/WORKED ALL DAY TO TRY AND GET IT TO TURN ON/FED UP/CALL RIGHT AWAY. Is it plugged in? Oh….sorry….have a nice evening….
10. ROSEMARY XXXXX RE:GRANDMOTHER BOUGHT WATER FILTER 10 YEARS AGO/SHE DIED AND NEVER USED IT/NOW SHE WANTS TO RETURN IT…sounds like a horror movie…old zombie lady carrying a filter into a retail store….maybe you could call it “Rosemary’s Filter”.
AND THE MILLION DOLLAR WINNER FOR THIS YEAR IS:
11. MINNIE XXXXX RE:HUSBAND DUG HOLE FOR WATER SOFTENER IN YARD AND STRUCK OIL/HE LEFT FOR CASINO/HOW TO FINISH INSTALL? Yes…this guy actually thought he struck oil, and went into town to celebrate..turns out that he had dug into his underground oil storage tank…this is true…hard to believe…but true